omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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