I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
