I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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