I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
