You just made me feel so damn special
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
