Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
