shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
