You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Holy sore nipples Batman
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
