Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
