I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
