Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
