Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it's like heaven, but drunker
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
