I am puke
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
