So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
