It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm like, not good at living.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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