At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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