it's not cheating when I paid for it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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