Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
