Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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