We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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