We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Randomize
