I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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