The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
