i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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