I can feel you judging me through the phone.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
