My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
