I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
from now on my penis is your penis
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
