You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
