I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
