i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
