We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well I just put wine in my tea
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So here I am, sexting at work.
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