how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just high enough for therapy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
