so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
