i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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