I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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