Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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