I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
