The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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