You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
