Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
