She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
