hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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