I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just tell him i said nine months
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
