If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
