There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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