Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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