I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
