i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
