The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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