i permit you to call me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
